In Need Of My Time Gift-Wrapped

Hola, Honies. I have to tell you, after having my bank account hacked last week, then my wallet stolen by drug addicts this week, and a year of surgeries, deaths, divorces, weight gain, Taco Bell nights, loveless weekends and railing weekdays, I have to tell you...it might be the sobriety (which reminds me, I should fix that asap), but I need something good. Like something better than alimony. Perhaps it is your lil' Dagmar that needs to write into an advice columnist? I haven't had a therapist since Dionne Warwick (analysts don't count), and don't plan to, but Honey, like Richard Ashcroft says, the drugs don't work. Honey, I'm telling you: the crystals aren't working.